They Said You Changed, As If Growth Was a Betrayal
"He was a fun-loving, happy kid until he met you."
That was the moment of confirmation for me. It was not just dislike, it was pure disdain. This was not a simple comment; it was a wound, thrown like a dagger. And it hurt.
Those words came from my father-in-law after I stepped in to defend my ten-year-old child from one of his habitual, passive-aggressive insults. Instead of reflecting on his behavior, he lashed out at me. His son is no longer the child he once controlled and that loss of control needed a target.
And here is what I said in response:
"Just a reminder that your son and I have been together since we were 19. You sent a kid off to college and expected him to stay the same. Since then, he has earned a bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree, and became a CPA. He is a husband, a father of four, and an incredible human being. You are looking for the child you used to control and blame me for the man he became."
As hurtful as the comment was, I am grateful for the strength and clarity I had in that moment to speak the truth that needed to be said. I will keep the details of how my husband responded when he found out about this interaction, but I will say this: he had my back.
This moment serves as a clear example of how narcissistic parents can threaten, or even damage, their children’s marriages when they feel their control slipping away.
What happened that day is not uncommon, especially in families where one or both parents struggle with narcissistic tendencies. When a child grows into their own person, starts a family, or builds a life that no longer centers the parent(s), it can trigger deep fear and resentment.
To understand why this happens and how it impacts the couple and the energy within the home, we need to talk about control, projection, and the role of narcissistic dynamics in the lives of adult children.
Narcissistic Parents and the Fear of Change
Narcissistic parents do not see their children as individuals. They see them as extensions of themselves. Control is their love language. Obedience is mistaken for affection.
When a child begins to mature, form healthy relationships, and make independent decisions, it can feel threatening. Rather than recognize this as natural growth, a narcissistic parent often sees it as betrayal.
They say things like:
“You’ve changed.”
“You’re not the same person anymore.”
“I don’t recognize you.”
But what they really mean is:
“You are no longer someone who I can control.”
And if their child partners with someone who supports that growth, they often become the villain in the narcissist’s story.
This is emotional manipulation connected to a pattern of behavior rooted in fear of losing dominance. Narcissistic parents tend to confuse authority with love and control with connection. So when autonomy enters the equation, blame follows.
To be clear, I do not see my husband’s parents as villains. Narcissism and emotional manipulation are often rooted in unhealed wounds and generational trauma. But what became increasingly clear over time was that their passive-aggressive behavior was no longer going to being tolerated.
What once felt “normal” to him started to look different when it was directed at our children and at me. That was a boundary crossed too many times. And for both of us, it was a turning point.
The Energetic Fallout Is Subtle but Real
I’ve gone deeper into this topic in a previous post:
👉 Understanding How Narcissistic Abuse Affects Your Energy
There, I explain how narcissistic abuse disturbs the energy body, especially the chakras, aura, and meridians, which can lead to physical symptoms.
In this situation specifically, where blame is projected and emotional manipulation plays out, the energetic impact is immediate and sharp:
Solar Plexus Chakra (Power & Identity): You may feel like do not exist or you are being misrepresented, especially when your character is being attacked.
Throat Chakra (Truth): You speak up and yet still feel unheard. This can leave an energetic residue of frustration or shame.
Heart Chakra (Love & Belonging): Being excluded or criticized by family drains your emotional energy, leaving you cold or closed-off afterward.
Aura: These interactions can leave you feeling energetically slimed. You might notice yourself feeling heavy or tired. Overall, you do not feel like yourself.
When someone launches an emotional attack on you, your energy field absorbs it. Even with energetic awareness and boundaries, a sudden emotional outlash can still leave a residue. The energy does not always penetrate, but it does leave a mark.
This is why clearing and working on your own energetic recovery after these encounters is essential, not optional.
Change is not betrayal. it is a natural and necessary part of becoming.
Growth is not betrayal. It is what life requires of us.
We are not meant to remain who we were at 19, or 29, or even last year. Evolution is a sign of healing and conscious living.
When someone sees your growth as an offense, it often reflects their discomfort with change, not a flaw in you.
Their disappointment is not your burden and their nostalgia is not a reason to abandon your truth.
Your growth means that you are responding to your present with integrity and that is not something to apologize for.
It is something to honor.
💫 Next Steps for Healing
If you are navigating narcissistic family dynamics and want to protect and restore your energy, you do not have to do it by yourself.
✨ Read the full post on how narcissistic abuse affects your energy
✨ Book a chakra reading or energy clearing session
Let’s work together to release the energetic residue of control, guilt, and emotional manipulation so that you can step fully into the best version of yourself.
Have you ever experienced growth that others saw as a betrayal?
How did you navigate the energy shifts and boundaries that followed? I’d love to hear your story.